Giving birth is hard. Giving birth during a worldwide pandemic where at any moment you can become ill is an experience of real-time anxiety I wouldn’t wish on anyone. 

I am sharing my story because I could have NEVER imagined the circumstances of the birth of my baby girl but I can look back and see how EVERY decision that I made along the way helped me to have a healthy pregnancy, labor, and birth. 

I am going to break my story into 3 categories to help you to keep all of the details straight. 

PREGNANCY-- LABOR--POST PREGNANCY

PREGNANCY

How I Found Out

It was a regular day. I got up, started getting dressed and decided I would have lunch with my granny.  I pulled up to her house with one of her favorites, roast beef from Arbys. I pranced into the house with my singing voice!

Me: “Grannnnnyyyy, I’ve got you lunnnchhhh!”

Granny: Oh great honey come on up I’m in the kitchen

Me: *walks up the stairs*

Granny: *turns around*

Me: 

Granny: Ohhhhh honey, you’re expecting

Me:... no I’m not

Granny: Honey, GRANNY KNOWS

Me:...no I’m not

Granny: Granny has had 11 children GRANNY KNOWS

Me:... no I’m not

I went home, took a test, and saw the two lines! I could not have been more than 6 weeks but, GRANNY KNEW YA’LL!

I was shocked to say the least but I was okay. I was established, mature, and had a supportive and active partner. I would be fine! 

I was a lot of things except ready… so I had to get ready. 

My Next Steps

-Schedule An Appointment with my OBGYN

My OBGYN was already a midwife. Which slightly checked my box of having the most natural experience possible. I say slightly because while my OBGYN had the midwife credential she was not a practicing midwife. She knew all of the holistic practices (that initially made me feel secure) but leaned more towards the traditional medicine practices since she worked at one of the large hospitals, Carilion. I would eventually switch from her (by her recommendation) and go to another practice to get a more natural and controlled experience but she got me on the right foot. 

-Make sure baby was healthy

My next step was to make sure that baby was healthy. I went through a series of optional (and expensive) genetic screenings to make sure baby had no abnormalities that we could indicate in early pregnancy. At this point I was just becoming familiar with pregnancy itself. I did not understand all of the terminology that they used and pretty much let my practitioner guide the process. 

I will admit that until about the 6th month I was on autopilot. I knew what I wanted my birth to look like but it did not feel urgent or immediate enough to prioritize so I just went with the flow. This would remain until I entered into my 3rd trimester and got my doula. 

-Make sure I was healthy

My cousin and I met at a walking mall and we did about 30 minutes a day for my first 6 months. In early pregnancy until about the 5th month I still ran the stairs. I still lifted through the 7th or 8th month occasionally.  Staying active was really important to me. I did this not to lose weight (like every other time in my life) but for mobility and also to remind myself of what my body was capable of.

I took up going to the chiropractor at the suggestion of one of my clients who is a black woman chiropractor out of Texas. She’d told me about a year before getting pregnant that I should start getting adjustments to make my eventual child birth experience easier. My labor was ONE PUSH whole head and body out-- I credit that to her advice. The magic behind going to A LICENSED chiropractor during pregnancy for regular adjustments is that it aligns your spine, torso, hips, and pelvis for easy delivery. 

For me it was worth the investment specifically because I knew I wanted a natural and un-medicated birth so anything that I could do to help the process I did.

...except take my prenatal. 

Now, I already know. The pregnancy, doctor, medical community will have at me for this. But, I just COULD NOT STAND ANY PRENATAL vitamin. Not until my 3rd trimester where I took them religiously. I did so grievously for the first trimester so my baby would have a fully developed and connected spine but my God those things did not settle with me. What I did do was take iron, folate, and other vitamins in a separate form.

Massages were also VERY HIGH on my wellness list. One each month just like the doctor had ordered it. My pregnant body carried tons of stress which is no surprise since I spend 80% of my time clicking on a computer with not- so-good posture. 

Massages, spinal adjustments, and physical activity were my physical wellness trifecta that I really believe helped me to be the best that I could be during pregnancy.  & it didn’t hurt my “snap back” either. I couldn’t help but notice that a day after pregnancy by body was pretty much back to the state that it was in before pregnancy without much fuss. A plus. A very BIG plus. 

Now onto the mental things I did to prepare for the journey…

I WORKED UNTIL THE DAY BEFORE I WENT INTO LABOR

One of the biggest things that I believe kept me well during pregnancy is working. 

And by working I mean WORKING! Here are the things that I was able to accomplish during pregnancy. 

August 2019- Ran The Anti Cliche VA 3 Day Retreat

September 2019- Taught workshop at Ready Set Aim in Toledo Ohio

November 2019- Established National Association of Virtual Assistants

December 2019- Launched The Biz Church Marketing Membership

March 2020- Ran First Virtual Summit- Inspired To Innovate

& I’m positive that I am missing several things. Working kept me on my toes. I had a lot of off days but I had even more days where I felt driven and full of purpose. The decision to keep working at the highest level was mine to make and it informed my decision to keep my pregnancy private.

Keeping the pregnancy private turned out to be the best decision for us specifically because in February 2020 chatter about COVID-19 started which would *potentially* turn my pregnancy on it’s head. Having less opinions and hands in the pot made it easier for my partner and I to do what was best for our child and family. 

THE IMPACT OF THE COVID-19 PANDEMIC ON MY PREGNANCY

I think that it goes without saying that this is the most challenging time to bring new life into this world. Adults are vulnerable enough to the virus but to birth a child right in the middle of a pandemic is stressful. We had to make very calculated decisions to protect our baby during the time in the belly and during delivery. 

Decision #1: Switching OBGYNs

By the start of the 3rd trimester it was clear that COVID-19 was not going to be an “other countries” type of thing. It was knocking on our back door and  we needed to truly consider how it would impact our pregnancy. 

My first OBGYN was a part of a medical system connected to my region's largest hospital. Chances were if COVID did impact our area most of the patients would end up at the hospital I was supposed to give birth at. 

It was hard deciding to make the switch with only 10 weeks left but we did. 

There happened to be a NEW midwife practice coming to the only other hospital in the area. Thankfully they were willing to take me on as a patient.

They were started to take patients in February (I was the first) but would not be cleared to deliver until 4/1/2020.

My due date was 4/2/2020.

Baby would end up being born on 4/3/2020.

I was willing to take the risk though. Here is why…

If I stayed with my original midwife it didn’t matter where or when I gave birth I would not be able to choose my delivering doctor. It would be whoever was on call. In a huge hospital like Carilion it could have been 1 of 25 doctors. In this situation I could have had the perfect and most calculated birth plan and it would not matter because if the wrong doctor was on call that day I would be putting everything I wanted in jeopardy.

So I took the gamble with the new practice.

Was it risky? Yes. Was it worth it? Absolutely. 

Decision #2 Cancelling My Baby Shower

We were knee deep in decorations. 

We had games picked. 

Invitations sent. 

& family ready to travel.

But the call was to cancel. 

My baby shower was scheduled for 3/15/2020 which was the same week Virginia started to see it’s first cases. I felt robbed of my birth experience at the same time feeling relief. I had long quarantined myself from the world. I got my last hug from my mom in February and while I would have loved to get together with family and friends, I knew it was too risky to bring everyone together. 

Decision #3: No Mom At Birth

This wasn’t really a decision but an imposed policy of the hospital. By the time we got to 38 weeks the hospital had totally locked down additional visitors. I had to go to my last appointments by myself & I had to choose between my mom and Tajik (my partner) being in the room when I gave birth. Before going through this I could not have imagined giving birth without my mom’s reassurance and voice through each step. When my midwife told me that the choice had to be made I felt like everything was crashing in on me. Tajik has a specific way of comforting me and so does my mom. I needed both and I didn’t know how I'd do it without either one. 

I even thought I’d have to give birth without my doula which I could not imagine now that I am on the other side. My midwives were able to advocate for me and have her counted as essential and not a visitor but they almost jacked my whole birth plan up. 

LABOR & BIRTH

Having a natural and unmedicated birth was a spiritual experience for me. It was the physical manifestation of the inner work that I have been doing as a woman. For me it was every moment of vulnerability, humility, difficulty, success coming together to say “I AM”

It was personal.

It was family.

It was relationship. 

My birth experience didn’t just give me Taaja but it gave my entire family a new story. EVERY woman in my family have negative birth stories. From being left alone to give birth, to having breached babies with no epidural, to having traumatic C Sections, being cut without consent, having un-supportive partners etc. These are the stories embedded in my family. These stories impact EVERYTHING. I saw it first hand as I shared how my birth experience would be.

Every time I got back. “Honey, I hear you but you just don’t understand.” And their faces would remain scrunched up until their heads finally fell into their hands. 

I let them share their concerns… which were mostly rooted in untruth

-Stop lifting weights you’ll hurt yourself

-Don’t lift your hands over your head you’ll wrap the cord around your babies head

- You need more than a doula and a midwife you need a doctor

-He won’t know how to take care of you

-You’ll be in bed for weeks

...I heard all of these different messages and I started training against them

I started to prepare for my marathon by dealing with every negative thought that had been passed on to me. I educated myself. I learned the terminology that doctors used and encouraged the doctors to speak to me clearly. 

At home I watched positive and natural births on Youtube. Believe it or not there are so many full births there. I watched them until I no longer felt the need to look away when the baby started crowning. 

With each video I learned something new about the process. 

I learned about the ring of fire,not to push until I felt the contraction coming and most of all saw that not everyone screams during birth like the media portrays. 

I also began meditating on a daily basis to become more mindful of my thoughts. This was a crucial step for me specifically because in a time of so much anxiety there were a lot of fear-based thoughts to cut through on a daily basis. 

There were times where I felt like I had the virus because of the way my anxiety would show up. Shortness of breath, tight chest, headache.

At times I found myself in a cycle of negative confirmation of my worst fear. Getting the virus and not being here for my baby or being able to feed/care for her. 

I imagined looking at her with a mask on and feared all around that she would have problems connecting with me if we had to distance. 

I did my best to keep this from happening. I quarantined myself in February and cleaned/sanitized like a crazy person. Maintaining became a full time job. Even now I know it only takes one time and one exposure. 

It was rough. Really rough. So I had to master my mind. I meditated, journaled, prayed, and stretched to keep myself strong. I trained myself to accept and work through pain vs avoid it. It would take everything I had to birth this baby and I just wanted to be as prepared as possible. 

Before we get into the 30 hours before I gave birth let me tell you some about my birth plan. 

Our plan was to have a midwife, doula, partner, my mom, and me in the room. 

Covid-19 eliminated my mom so...

I had a midwife which is typically a nurse that is certified to birth babies independently of a doctor. Most midwives are practitioners that contrary to popular belief practice within the bounds of science and research. They are VERY informed about the birth process. The difference between the typical OBGYN and a midwife is that an OBGYN is a SURGEON they are trained to intervene in the natural birth process not to just allow it. Midwives work with natural processes and do not treat pregnancy like an illness or ailment. 

I had my doula who is a childhood and lifelong friend of mine. She has practiced as a doula for over 5 years and specializes in support to mom and family through the birth process. My doula focused a lot on comfort techniques and like massage and reminders to breathe. She stayed with me overnight and was just everything I needed to get through labor. 

I had my partner who is there for comfort, driving, grabbing odds and ends, DJing, keeping the mood light, massaging, and OXYTOCIN aka the love hormone. His role was just as important as any and having his hand and belief made a world of difference. 

Our birth was planned unassisted and naturally this meant…

No epidural

No C Section

No IV medication

No inducing- we were willing to wait until 41 weeks 1 day before considering inducing

Not even a tylenol

I chose this because I wanted the baby to come out fresh and not groggy so that I could breastfeed her and interact with her. This was super important to me. 

Other BIG preferences I had…

Staying home as long as possible for early labor

No connection to monitors

Immediate Skin To Skin & Breast Feeding

I knew that I needed to be able to move during pregnancy. I HATE being restricted and strapped down so this was a non-negotiable and that's another reason I didn’t do medication. 

Here is the deal…

For every action in this process, there is a reaction…

The more interventions the more additional interventions are necessary.

If I would have taken an epidural it would have drastically increased my chances of C Section and being restricted to a heart monitor. This is why I wanted to have as little assistance as possible.

Okay so, I am about to unwind the 30 hours before I gave birth…

*Enters* Early labor

I gave birth on Friday. On Monday of that week at about 6am I started to have what they call false labor. This is not the same as Braxton Hicks which feels like a “sorta” contraction. False labor is when contractions start coming with some regularity but is just the body revving up for birth --they eventually stop. 

I had an OB appointment that day at 2pm so I decided to wait it out at home. That was the birth plan anyway… to stay at home until things got unbearable. By the time I went into the office everything had slowed down to a halt. I got an exam and was 1cm dilated (ya need 10) and 25% effaced. This meant that after all of the pain from the morning that I was still VERY early in labor and it could still be a week or so before we gave birth. 

HERE COMES THE FIRST INTERVENTION CALL THAT I MADE

Right then and there my midwife gave me the option to get “swept”. This is still natural and would mean she would take her fingers, dig deep, and separate my cervix from the amniotic sack. This would cause birth to speed up. Remember that the best-case scenario was to just allow birth to happen when it happened and to go 41 weeks and 1 day if necessary. As a result of COVID we were in a race against the clock. Each day that went by there were more cases popping up in the area and more chances they would end up at the hospital I was at so I made the call…

SWEEP ME

What I didn’t know was that the contractions would get really heavy when they started back. They didn’t just feel like stomach tightening like it did before. It felt like period cramps plus stomach tightening. (There is a next level too so if you are wondering if it hurt it did!)

I went back home. Worked a little on Tuesday. But by Wednesday we were back at it. The contractions had returned. But I was looking for REGULAR contractions. I downloaded an app to help me to measure the length of contractions and the time between them. I was at about 1 min 30 secs for the contraction. And 15 mins in between. 

I managed pain by letting go. When the contractions came I breathed through them and let my whole body go limp. I didn’t try to fight them back. I also used an essential oil diffuser with lavender, eucalyptus, and peppermint. This was my stress relief blend. 

At this point contractions hurt but I could get through them. I could even sleep through them.

By 2am on Thursday morning I started having cramps that made me wake up. They made me have to pee too. As baby goes lower in the pelvis the more pressure is there. 

The problem is that eventually, the baby goes so low that it gets hard to pee. I had to physically push my stomach in to make the pee come out. It was crazy.

I paced the floor from 2am to 6am to make sure this was the real deal. Then I called my doula who lived 4 hrs away. She got on the road right away. 

The plan was still to labor at home as long as it was necessary. By the time she hit the city limits at 10:30 am the contractions or waves had become unbearable-- well sorta… remember there is a next level. 

I was managing the pain by pacing the floor and saying over and over again “I was made for this. I can do this.”

I thought that it would for sure be time to go to the doctor by the time she got there. The pressure was so much. I called the doctor and let her know I’d be coming in. The plan for me was to go to the midwive’s office and not the main hospital so they could check where I was in labor.

She got to my house and started to implement her soothing techniques of massage, we got on the bouncy ball, she started her own diffuser and by the time she finished I realized that I could go on. I just needed some support so we hunkered down. 

We did actually go to the doctor around 4pm to do a stress test because we assumed that my water had broken based on frequency of contractions and pain level. I was at 3-4cm and 

100% effaced.

Still some journey to go… we went back home. 

Because my water had broken (risk of infection increases) we were now on the clock. I had 24 hrs to make things shake. The mission was to create intense contractions...often. 

My doula put clary sage in the diffuser which made my contractions INTENSE. 

She asked Tajik and me to get some oxytocin flowing with hugs and kisses. We did THAT!

I drank red raspberry leaf tea which is thought to encourage labor. 

& we did several positions meant to encourage the baby to come down in the pelvis. 

We did everything we could do and contractions did get more intense but they were still 5-6 minutes apart with no sign of getting closer.

HERE COMES THE 2ND INTERVENTION CALL I MADE

I made the decision that we would not be going past Friday. I was tired. I had been laboring for 30 hours, my water had broken, and I STILL needed strength to push. I called my midwife and let her know I was ready to induce. 

We chose to induce with Pitocin which is a chemical that mimics oxytocin. 

We still chose to do things as naturally as possible with a low dose delivery of the medicine. This would allow my body to get used to the pain while quickly adapting to changes of birth. 

*Enters Active Labor*

We got to the hospital at about 10:30am. The nurses (belonging to the hospital and not the midwive’s practice) spent about an hour and a half telling us that I would need to be connected to a monitor. My midwife protested and advocated for me. I waited to get the only wireless monitoring system that would allow me to walk around and get in the shower for pain relief. 

Finally, we have the monitor and I get hooked up to the IV and Pitocin. 

The contractions start to amp up. More often and much more intense! 

Our natural pain methods work for a while and then mental fatigue starts to set in. 

The monitor is not catching my contractions even though I can feel them. This made me so mad. I am a numbers and data girl. So knowing that their measurements were off distracted me. Their response was to crank the Pitocin up and that freaked me out because I was afraid that the contractions would come on more quickly than I could handle. 

And they did… 

I even got to the point where I asked my midwife for Morphine. MORPHINE! Yep, I was done. I just kept thinking— “knock me out. Just let me go to sleep.”

I was tired and I thought I couldn’t handle it. 

But, I could handle it. 

Back to my affirmations.

I can do this. 

I was born to do this. 

I can do this. 

I was born to do this!

And with every contraction, I came closer. It’s about 2pm now and I have 2 hours left of birth. 

I am moving A LOT right now to escape the pain. 

I am backward on the bed holding the bed and bearing down. 

Then I am on the exercise ball bouncing. 

Then I am walking. 

Then I am attempting to pee. 

And then things get REALLY intense. It’s about 3pm. 

I grab the countertop where the nurse is charting my contractions and I just start SQUATTING. 

Boom!

Up down, up down, up down! 

I’d caught my 4th wind. I was tired, exhausted but my body kicked into overdrive. 

The nurse was giving me the side-eye. LOL! 

The same nurse that had offered me an epidural even though we’d been clear not to. 

She meant well and had been a nurse for 32 + years (her words not mine) but admittedly had never seen anything like the our birth experience. 

I did a series of squats. Regular. Wide-legged. Pulsing. 

...and then off to the shower. 

Things were moving fast!

My midwife was in the shower waiting on me. The warm water brought relief until the next contraction…

My hands grabbed the rails and shook frantically. I was pushing. 

I looked down and there was blood going down the drain. 

I said to my midwife: I’m pushing! Am I supposed to be pushing?

She said it was time to get back on the bed to do an exam to see if I was ready to push. 

My doula and Tajik came in to help get me off of the shower floor. 

I didn’t feel like I was going to be able to get up. 

They encouraged me.

“Bria, put one leg up and then the next”

I was able to pull myself up. 

I got back on the bed and held the back of the headboard while squatting on my knees. This was my planned birth position. 

Before my midwife could get her instruments together I told Tajik to turn on Bob Marley and I gave one push. 

I could feel my baby's head coming. I reached down and said, “what is this?” They said your baby is coming. 

I just laid my head down. 

When I felt the next contraction I gave a push with it and my baby came out whole. Head, shoulders, knees and toes. 

*baby cries*

I did it. I was born for it. 

POST PREGNANCY

After giving birth I just sat there with my head down. The entire room went up in excitement but I couldn’t participate. The whole moment was surreal. I’d done it. 

There was no weighing of the baby. No measuring. No pricks and prods. Just us. 

They handed me my baby and we immediately went into skin to skin and a feeding just like in our birth plan.

The midwife sewed my 2nd degree tear. Yes, I tore but didn’t feel a thing it was just me and my baby. For the rest of the night she ate, we cuddled and slept. 

I was exhausted though so after getting a meal from one of my favorite restaurants Shakers I tried my best to sleep. Baby’s bassinet right beside my bed. 

PRECAUTIONS I TOOK TO KEEP BABY SAFE DURING OUR STAY

After birth the biggest threat to mine and baby’s health was being in the hospital. I had to make swift decisions and follow my intuition to keep us safe even if it meant offending others. Under “normal” circumstances that their practices were sound but, I could see that they were not as responsive to the pandemic. Here are the decisions I made…

-No Nursery

I didn’t allow them to take my baby anywhere & when they did to do her state testing Tajik took her down there, observed, and brought her back immediately.

-Requests of ANYONE who entered the room to WASH hands --EVEN DOCTORS

As soon as someone entered my room I said…

“Will you wash your hands please?”

It had to be done. The practice is to use sanitizer in the hospital and that’s just not good enough for my baby not in these times. It was my job to bring her home safely and that’s exactly what I did. 

-Early Release

The hospital will tell you that you MUST stay for a certain time. You don’t have to as long as you and baby are well and there are no complications. I simply told them I would be following up with my pediatrician in 2 days and got signed out.

FINAL THOUGHTS FOR MAMAS

Overall my birth was so gratifying. Before my own birth I’d only heard negative stories from the women closest to me and we won’t even get into the media. While this was my first child and I didn’t know much coming into this situation I was able to grow into trusting my instincts. 

After all, I could do it. I was born to do it. 

It was very late in my pregnancy that I became aware of the after birth effects ie. bleeding for weeks, swollen vagina, stitches, sore nipples, etc. 

I am using some products that I think will be helpful to you and I want you to know about them.

-Nipple Balm From An Apothecary

I know that you can buy nipple creams from regular stores but I encourage you to get yours from an apothecary if possible. My midwife wrote me a prescription for one. The cream balm or salve from the apothecary is thick, has no smell, and can be ingested safely by baby. This balm is a lifesaver and has no mainstream name but the apothecaries will know what you’re asking for. The cream not only heals the nipple but creates a barrier so that further soreness is stopped and numbed. 

-Frida Mom Postpartum Line

I have the reusable underwear (you will need these) there will be a lot of ongoing bleeding after birth as your uterus contracts to normal size. You will not want to use regular underwear for this unless you intend to throw them away. I also have the witch hazel foam and the instant cooling pads which have helped with swelling and stitches. 

-Natural Honey Pot Pads

Hear me when I say that you do not want to use chemical-based pads after birth. If I won’t put it in my mouth I’m not putting it in or on my vagina. Second of all, normal pads keep bleeding going. At about day 7 I switched from the pads I got from the hospital to my normal and natural brand of pads and the bleeding stopped. My doctor let me know that I could bleed off and on for up to 6 weeks but the crampy feeling that I was having is gone and I feel so much relief. 

If you are an expectant mom during this time I want to send you my prayers and support. This is not an easy time. Be kind to yourself and trust your instincts. You and your baby are divinely protected.

Thank you for reading my birth story. I truly hope that it helps!

I love each of you and mean it!

-Bria

PS. Thank you to Jodie Brim for my beautiful maternity pictures. Her work is awesome! You can find her here.

To my incredible doula, Stevie. Who would have known when we were children that you would help me to birth my baby into this world. I am so grateful for you and pray that 100s of moms get to experience the care that you provide to your community.

You can find her here.